I used to scoff at those who achieved success. I laughed and mocked the picket fence families and never understood how they did it….and, I was admittedly jealous. For me, I always took the long way around.
I danced carelessly through my Bachelors’ Degree, accepting the job title of “waitress” upon graduation. I lost track of the number of sunrises and stranger’s beds I stumbled into for years………I bounced around jobs several times, usually blaming someone else for the move, and somehow miraculously survived an MBA program and graduated in 2012 with a piece of paper and no vision for my future.
In 2012, I made the impulsive decision to escape from my hometown Providence, RI to Annapolis Maryland. I kept up my lifestyle of sunrises and strange beds, which brings us to the evening of December 21st, 2012.
There was a power outage in all of Annapolis that night, the moon was full and I sat alone on the empty floor of my new apartment. The room echoed, and I stared blankly out the window. My palms were sweaty, my breath heavy and tears streamed down my face. I was single and pregnant.
In many ways this was the day my journey began. This was the day I started questioning everything. This was the day, I unknowingly discovered a glimmer of hope and a piece of my WHY.
My journey didn't start with a goal. My journey didn't start with a destination. It didn’t start with a desire to get sober, a career aspiration, a weight loss goal, or something specific. It started with a feeling. My journey started with a deep desire for something more. I had absolutely NO idea what I wanted or where I was going but I knew I felt empty, lost, alone, scared and broken. I knew I wanted more and I was finally willing to do the work. I just wasn’t exactly sure what that was, or what it would look like, or how I was even supposed to begin.
So, I just began. My journey started setting my alarm clock 5 MINUTES earlier than it was the night before. It didn’t start taking a giant leap, making a huge commitment or declaration. And 5 minutes turned to 10, turned to 30 turned to 60 and fast forward Hundreds of pages of journaling, 60+ books, dozens of podcasts, hours of meditation and the destination manifested itself.
Wherever you are on your journey is OK. It doesn’t have to be linear. It most certainly shouldn’t be easy, and it doesn’t even have to make sense. I spent years AFTER my daughter was born making countless, reckless and impulsive decisions. Every fiber of my being fought for years for what I knew deep down I needed to do. But, I had to do it in my own time.
If whatever you are doing at this very moment feels like it is getting you 1% closer to something that feels right to you (and you don't have to know what that is) Then LEAN IN! Countdown from five and Jump.
After doing a bit of research - I started my journey.
I had no idea how to get what I wanted out of life,
I had no idea how to change my current situation,
I had no idea how to turn my life around.
All I knew how to do was how to take baby steps.
Here's a quick before and after what my life looked like to what it is today.